The Last Day of 2007

Today is the last day of 2007. As I write this entry, I have nothing in particular that I have in mind. I just want to remember what's the year 2007 had been for me, for us. I just don't know where to begin.

But I surely know how is it going to end. OK people, happy new year! May 2008 will be better than 2007 in all aspects of our lives.

Worthy lesson - let's have a fresh start.

It's that time of the year.. (again!!)

Well.. I certainly hope that this will not be the last entry for the year 2007. It's that time of the year again.. when I think of all the things I've done, everything I achieved and how the hell did I screw things up. I'm the kinda person who plans what I'm gonna do when I reach home from work (and yet only occasionally I succeeded fulfilling those plans) and at the end of the day, I think of what-to-do-tomorrow kinda thing. I live one day at a time. I rarely make any long term plans or goals. That, is why sometimes I don't have any new year resolutions like most people do.

So, I think it will be ok to break the rules once in a while. Besides, I'm turning big three-0 next February. I'm scared, I admit it. I'm not growing any younger and I haven't done most of the things I want to do before I turn twenty-ten. I need to concentrate harder and talk to myself lesser. I don't want to see the glass half empty anymore.

Worthy lesson - make a sensible and achievable short term goal, and indulge yourself upon your accomplishment.

Pretty in Pink Party

I never thought that I'll be going to that party.. and yet I did went... and again... I did the right decision as it was fun, hilarious and some other words that I can't think of at the moment and I'm glad I went..

Well.. I thought I'll be the last one to arrive with me working on that day and yet I'm the first one to arrive. Luckily my hubby was there to accompanied me until I think it was the time to let him go to wherever he wanted to go.. sob! sob! (hahaha.. such a drama..) I text M and asked her will there be any prize for the early bird.. ha! ha!.. no reply and when I text L, she asked me to check with M... hehehe.. called M and asked me to wait at the reception area... then not long after that she came with R after tiredly queueing for the delicious donut people had been talking about..

Well, not long after that... (duh.. way past 3pm..) after A arrived, we continue with eating and singing like nobody business... then it's time for the gift... ha.. I actually bought the signing pen for L and A bought mine.. and I can't remember the rest for who bought whose presents... so called "short term memory loss". I enjoyed so much and I'm very honoured that there are some of my friends who can still remember me (if not totally.. vividly is enough for me..).. and I tried hard to remember the rest... luckily I remember the names and how so much they have grown so beautiful since the last time I saw them... some of them were so different I hardly recognized....

I like the door gift.. from LS, you add another to my collections.. from MH, just what I need.. thank you... from L, where's my fortune??? and from AK.. hopefully your herbs works.. so that I can order more and make more business for you... hahaha...

L thanks for the nice cake.. you know where to get the best one... and also being the cutest with all the accessories worn on that day... S for organizing the give out for the gifts... and also for the rest of you ladies for coming... and sorry that I have to left early... as I told M and K, "supir gue udah sampe..." I like the best photo taken at the lobby... wish I was there... really..

I do hope that I can join again in any gathering organized by usually it'll be M and the rest who I can't name coz not sure who help who.. but you know who you are... thanks a lot.. it brought the memory so much... even all the songs sang by us mostly popularised around the year we were together in school...

Worthy Lessons - appreciate what you have gone through whether it was good or bad coz it'll be the memory and lessons that shaped us now...!!

Moments of Truth

There are many moments of truth in our lives. Sometimes we avoid facing the truth, sometimes we confront the truth and its consequences. Sometimes we just don't give a damn with the truth because no matter how we tried to handle the situation or no matter how we tried to change, the truth remained and static.

I've had many of those so-called moments of truth. I've been trying to hold on to something that is beyond my reach. I've tried my very best, 101% effort and determination because I thought "this is it, this is the ultimate goal in my pathetic life.. finally i found the reason not to live alone" But the truth is, as hard it is to swallow (and I knew it), I ignore the facts that I don't belong there, where I thought I'd supposed to be.

There were times when we knew, the road ahead is bumpy and somehow at the very end of the road, the path splits. We simply decided not to listen to our guts because we hoped that somewhere along the way, things would've changed and we will not be wondering the what-ifs. What if I decided to stop and re-evaluate the situation? What if I stayed and played along? What if I walked away? Those were the questions we asked ourselves when the truth hits us in the face, hard.

I've made decisions which I'm not proud of. I've made decisions I later regret. Yet sometimes I'm glad I made those decisions. I don't consider myself learned from my mistakes. I kept doing the same mistake over and over again because I was hoping that somehow, someday this mistake will no longer be a mistake. It will be the right thing to do. And I'm still waiting for the right thing to happen.

Which eventually become the moment of truth for me - that I finally gave up making those mistakes.

I think this is it - this is the moment of truth for me. This is my turning point. Let me let you go.

Worthy lesson - the truth is hard, but it's better.

Disappear...

Have you ever thought, "what if somehow I could disappear..?? Would anyone ever missed me? or try to find me? or simply think of me?"

I am trying to disappear. Not from the people I love, but from the people I used to work with. Haha. Actually, I've resigned from my previous company. I changed my mobile number and only selective people got my new number. So right now, I'm wondering if my former staffs think about me or try to find me or something like that. Somehow it felt good to escape from the life that bounds you. My phone ring less and less these days. Not that I missed the endless rings and sms, but I think it's kinda funny.

Hey, suddenly I realised I have disappeared once. Back in 2002, I left KL for better or worse. I didn't even tell my family that I was no longer in KL. I kinda ran to PL and sort of trying to find myself and until I figure it out, I just can't stay in KL. I disappeared. But back then, I was a nobody. So no one looked for me. It sucks, I know. Haha.

But right now, just right now.. let me enjoy the silence and my solidarity. Hmmm... ~puff!! I'm disappear...~

Worthy lesson - I will never disappear or fade away from you, Kak Non.. I promise! (I'm not like kenit! and believe me, he's not even close to being a kenit. haha)

Feel Needed...

Actually I wanted to put this down for quite some time yet I don't have the courage to do it as I'm not sure that it will turn out perfectly as what I want people to understand. I guess I have to try it after all it's only a one cent opinion. This is something that a friend confide in me.

You are surrounded by the people you love the most but yet you doesn't feel needed at all. Have you ever feel that way? Me? I do sometimes and it feels sucks big time.

You are in the same room watching tv with your family yet whenever something comes up, you are not even so called "invited" to join in. They talk and tell stories like you are not there with them. When you try to blend in, they suddenly stop doing what they were doing. Hello!!!

Another scenario is still the same family. After work, you stayed at home doing your thing and they doing their things. You prepared meals and dinner with them, no conversation sited. Cleaning the house, with they seeing you doing it, no conversation sited. Watching tv together with them, no conversation sited. And yet when they want to say something or talk about something with you, they wait until the next day when you're working or they working or at schools and reach you via sms or YM. Genius at work!!! Am I a ghost here? Can anybody see me?

What do you feel when those two happens? Feel like not needed in their life. That's what my friend feels. I can't agree more with her. All I can say is, you shouldn't worry about all this. To me He knows better and for you to bear with it or be patient with it is something that can make you stronger. Or better still, confront them and talk things out. Sometimes it just a misunderstanding that they don't realize it affected you or they actually have some matters to talk about yet they don't know how to start. Talk about it with them, be calm and ready to face the outcome. Truth does hurts but be brave and if you think cry can help.. just cry let it all out. We have to clear our head and think straight.

worthy lesson - You have to need yourself first before everybody else.

Friday!!

Nampak sedap tak? Mmm... memang sedap. Nama dia Snickers Cheesecake yang dibuat oleh Cik RS, orang yang paling pandai buat kuih dan kek kat ofis aku ni.. Oooppss kuih dan kek moden je kot. Jgn mara ler Kak RS. Actually Friday aritu ada buat pot luck for all the ladies memandangkan break untuk Friday 2 jam (mmmm.. mcm ler kami ni pergi sembahyang Jumaat.. tp kami mmg suka..). Aku bawa rendang ayam yang terlebih santan.. (baru 2 kali masak tau... tp org semua cakap sedap.. teruja siottt). II bawa kuah kacang, MA bawa ketupat segera, SH bw buah-buahan, NMR bawa puding dan HI bawa nasi lemak. Hari tu lunch memang aku makan banyak giler sampai colleague aku dah habis seme aku tak berenti lagi.. apa nak buat makan macam siput berjalan... menikmati orang kata... memang full giler sampai ke malam tak hingin aku nak tengok makanan-makanan yang lain..

Malam pulak aku tengok wayang ngan hubby aku.. sebelum waktunya, aku pergi ler berjalan-jalan kat area tu... tetiba aku terpandangkan sesuatu terus aku teringatkan si Neat-cha ni... hehehe



Jgn le tengok yang kancil ker rusa tu.. (spesis yg aku mmg tak tahu mana satu..) tapi tengok yang warna putih tu... hahaha... ada tak cam ko Neat-cha, spesis ni mmg yang cantik-cantik jer.. belum comot lagi...

Pastu, untuk mengisi perut hubby aku, kami makan kat sini..



Malangnya, aku teringat nak ambik gambar selepas bun dimakan oleh hubby aku... sedap tau!! Aku sedap tengok jelah.. makan tengahari masih terasa di tekak lagi.. habis makan kami pergi tengok wayang kat sini... comel kan binatang tu walaupun pelik ada empat telinga... iisshhh...



Habis wayang kami balik rumah...

Mmm... gambar2 yang ada ni tak le secantik gambar-gambar dalam blog orang lain sebab aku takde kamera canggih-canggih ni walaupun satu hari memang aku teringin nak ada satu.. ni aku ambik pakai Sony SE K618i... ok kan gambar dia.. oklah untuk kamera mcm tu..

Worthy lesson - tak kiralah kamera apapun yang digunakan yang penting ambik gambar dengan ikhlas dan yang diambil gambar pun pose dengan ikhlas...

Never...

I'll never fall for a younger guy. That's what I commented when I found out one of my best friend was dating a boy 2 years our junior. We were 15. The problem with younger boys were they looked like our little brothers. I despised her and I simply couldn't understand why she dated him. Like our school had finally ran out of boys the same age as ours or older or something. She said someday, I will understand how she felt and when the time comes, I'll definitely remember her. A word from a 15 year-old girl.

The next year, I moved to another school and there I had my very first crush. I was 16 and he was 15. Serves me right in the face. Enough said.

I'll never wear contact lenses. That's what I said when I saw Linda putting on her contacts, about 8 years ago. I was 21 then. I'll never stick my finger into my eyes. The process of inserting the contacts looked painful. While the ritual of cleansing and rinsing then soaking the lenses seemed too delicate and complicated. A person who's fit to wear contact lenses must be someone who possessed a great deal of details and patience, which I lacked.

Nobody managed to influence or talking me into wearing lenses until around 3 years ago. One of my closest friend who happened to be a guy, confessed that he's wearing contacts. We were hanging out with a fellow friend one evening when I complimented on his brown eyes. He told me he was wearing contact lenses, which I thought he wore colored contact lenses. Wow, they looked very natural. Haha. No, he said. I am wearing normal contact lenses. Can't you see them? Little that I know he was using that tactic so that I'll be gazing into his wide open eyes as he stare into mine behind those rimless glasses. I've never looked into someone like that, nor I let people see my vulnerable self like that.

It was my 26th birthday, and I gave myself a present - a pair of permanent contact lenses. My very first. I thought if he can wear them, why can't I? For goodness sake, I am girl. I should be fit to wear and take care of the lenses. I spent almost 2 hours torturing myself, convincing myself and when I finally succeeded, I just can't believe myself. I have perfect visions. Haha.
I'll never be friends with any of my ex-boyfriend. That's what I told each and every boyfriends I had. Not that I have many. "When it's over, it's all over" was kind of a rule ranked at #1 in my "Rules of Love 101". I don't wish to be friends with them because I think I can't accept the fact that we were no longer together. The thought of it simply hurts my feelings. At least that's what in my belief.

Last year I became friends with one of my exes. That's after 5 years we broke up. But we were not close to even become best friends. Just friends. That, for me was a big step.

I'll never color my hair. That's what I convinced myself everytime my alter-ego suggested that I should dye my hair. My mom will question my every move, my every decision. She will certainly ask me, what's the purpose? Tell me one good reason. I'll be tongue-tied and be the black sheep of the family. Baaaad! Hehe.

Last July (if I'm not mistaken), I colored my hair soft brown. My mom didn't say a word. My dad hardly notice. My youngest brother went berserk though. Haha. He finally gave up and ignore my hair after the third day.

I'll never gonna change. That's the least I can do right now. I've changed a lot and yet I haven't changed at all. I am completely confused now. What am I trying to say here? I'll never figure myself out.

Worthy lesson - never say never!

Memory Boost

Once again Neat-cha beats me in submitting the post for this blog... Hahaha.. part of me said don't worry, she will do good at least to cover up my laziness.. yeah right!!!

Ok... i'm not good in using all the bombastic words and even in writing like Neat-cha. What I'm going to do until I manage to get a story of my own, is giving out info I read from my fav magazine at the moment, SHAPE, The Only Active Lifestyle Guide for Women. This article is on page 14 of November 2007 issue.

"A Quick Trick To Boost Your Memory

Moving your eyes horizontally back and forth to improve your memory may sound weird, but British scientists are convinced that it works. In a recent study, people who did such eye movements for 30 seconds memorized more of the words on a list than people who didn't move their eyes at all or who moved them vertically, explains Andrew Parker, Ph.D., senior lecturer of psychology and social change at Manchester Metropolitan University. His explanation for the phenomenon? "Eye movements may increase hemispheric interaction - the communication between the left and right sides of the brain," he says, "which is crucial for recalling a specific event."

Well, now I know, that there is another way to boost up your memory without having to buy and swallow pills or any other medication for that purpose. I eats raisins to boost up my memory and apart from the other multi-vitamins suggested by my friends, all I can say is eating raisins is the best one so far. I still have so called "short-term memory loss" but not as critical as Lucy in 50 First Date and so far I survived all challenges.

By the way, I've tried the eye exercise but all I got was headache.. I didn't say it doesn't work but maybe I'm doing it the wrong way.. doesn't hurt to try right??

p/s: try to link to shape magazine but can't find it.. anybody know please do let me know, I don't want people say that I take the credit for other people works... am I right Neat-cha??

worthy lesson - never hurt to try even it sounds or looks weird, the outcome that matters. And also don't ever try to take credits for other people work...

Car Stickers..

Well.. I do not own a car. Yet. I rarely drive (my bro in law's car). So what I did mostly when I was sitting at the passenger's seat, was looking up for car stickers and reading em out loud.. So far I found quite a number of them caught my interest, whether they're funny or simply simple yet effective.

Most girls will have a car sticker which reads - "If you think this car is cute, wait til you see the driver". Lemme see... hhmm.. not bad, 6/10. Hehe. "If you can read this, you are TOO close. Back Off!!" owhh.. okey.. we are that close, aren't we? One of my personal favorite is "Don't follow me. I'm lost too". Hehe cute!

I'm not the tpe of girl who knows much about cars and car models. I know my BMW series from Mercedes-Benz classes, so to speak. But not until few years back when my friend (K-rul) purchased a second-hand Honda. I know a bit about Honda cars - Civic, City, Jazz, CRV. Normally I would refer a Honda as just a Honda (duhh!!) and not EK or EG. Back then I was like, "EK? EG? I know EKG or ECG.. is that it?" Hehe. By the way, I was in another friend's car when I saw this really BIG sticker at K-rul's car - "SPOON". Tell me something I don't know. Is he into that pop group Spoon?? I hate that group's singer. What's his name? Tompok?? Haha.

So was thinking aloud and laughing even louder when I asked my friend "What's with K-rul and Spoon? I thought he liked Jamal Abdillah better??" My friend looked at me, confused and feeling somehow weird upon hearing my question. "What d'you mean?", he asked me. "Duhh!! SPOON.. you see or not?? He got this big sticker on his car.." It was his turn to laugh real out loud. I thought he even came close to crying already. I stared at him as if he was holding a secret from me and not willing to share. "Goddammit.. you're so funny and, do I have to mention, clueless? SPOON is not that Tompok's group.." Uh oh..

Hahaha. Then only I know that Spoon is a company which do the engine tuning for most Honda cars. Not that Spoon! Just imagine my embarrasment. So hear me out you girls out there, if you don't know a thing or two about cars, don't be ashame. Ask the guys and if you're lucky, you won't be the laughing stock (like me). Hehe.

By the way, if I want to have a car sticker, it should read - "Extremely fragile and vulnerable. Please handle with care. (The driver, not the car)"

Worthy lesson - don't judge a car by its sticker.

Worthy Lessons?

Wah... untuk ke berapa kali pun aku tak pasti tapi inilah yang terbaru yang aku akan hidangkan kepada sesiapa yang terbaca (selain dari aku dan guest writer aku tu.. )

Nampaknya, selain dari menjadi GW aku, rupanya si neat-cha ni telah berjaya mengubah blogskin aku menjadi sangat cantik.. (ayat yang dia selalu guna kalau dia rasa diri dia cantik sangat.. perasan!!) terima kasih tak terhingga pada neat-cha kerana selama aku ada banyak blog yang kemudian aku padam ("delete') tanpa rasa belas kasihan.. inilah yang tercantik walaupun kat mana-mana ler dia dapat skin ini. Bak kata penulis-penulis blog yang lain, aku suka eh.. kurang tepat, teramat suka sehingga menjilat jari.. (eh.. bukan KFC ker??)

Mulanya aku macam ada rasa malas nak bermula sekali lagi untuk menulis dalam blog seperti ini tapi apabila setiap hari aku membaca blog penulis-penulis lain, cemburu pula aku sebab aku ni selalu hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Kali ini aku amat berharap dengan adanya GW aku ni.. kalau aku malas.. biarler dia yang isikan kekosongannya... boleh yer neat-cha... muaaahhhhsss untuk kau kerana tahap kerajinan engkau melebihi aku.

Untuk itu, aku bentangkan Worthy Lessons? yang pertama... happy reading yer.. dan sekiranya ada sesiapa yang terbaca atau kata orang putihnya "blog hopping" bagi ler "constructive comments" supaya blog ini boleh diperbaiki... aku juga amat berharap yang blog aku ni akan dapat memberikan perkongsian, tak banyak mungkin sedikit "Worthy Lessons" kepada aku, neat-cha dan sesiapa yang terbaca blog aku ni...

Salam dari aku...