The Last Day of 2007

Today is the last day of 2007. As I write this entry, I have nothing in particular that I have in mind. I just want to remember what's the year 2007 had been for me, for us. I just don't know where to begin.

But I surely know how is it going to end. OK people, happy new year! May 2008 will be better than 2007 in all aspects of our lives.

Worthy lesson - let's have a fresh start.

It's that time of the year.. (again!!)

Well.. I certainly hope that this will not be the last entry for the year 2007. It's that time of the year again.. when I think of all the things I've done, everything I achieved and how the hell did I screw things up. I'm the kinda person who plans what I'm gonna do when I reach home from work (and yet only occasionally I succeeded fulfilling those plans) and at the end of the day, I think of what-to-do-tomorrow kinda thing. I live one day at a time. I rarely make any long term plans or goals. That, is why sometimes I don't have any new year resolutions like most people do.

So, I think it will be ok to break the rules once in a while. Besides, I'm turning big three-0 next February. I'm scared, I admit it. I'm not growing any younger and I haven't done most of the things I want to do before I turn twenty-ten. I need to concentrate harder and talk to myself lesser. I don't want to see the glass half empty anymore.

Worthy lesson - make a sensible and achievable short term goal, and indulge yourself upon your accomplishment.

Pretty in Pink Party

I never thought that I'll be going to that party.. and yet I did went... and again... I did the right decision as it was fun, hilarious and some other words that I can't think of at the moment and I'm glad I went..

Well.. I thought I'll be the last one to arrive with me working on that day and yet I'm the first one to arrive. Luckily my hubby was there to accompanied me until I think it was the time to let him go to wherever he wanted to go.. sob! sob! (hahaha.. such a drama..) I text M and asked her will there be any prize for the early bird.. ha! ha!.. no reply and when I text L, she asked me to check with M... hehehe.. called M and asked me to wait at the reception area... then not long after that she came with R after tiredly queueing for the delicious donut people had been talking about..

Well, not long after that... (duh.. way past 3pm..) after A arrived, we continue with eating and singing like nobody business... then it's time for the gift... ha.. I actually bought the signing pen for L and A bought mine.. and I can't remember the rest for who bought whose presents... so called "short term memory loss". I enjoyed so much and I'm very honoured that there are some of my friends who can still remember me (if not totally.. vividly is enough for me..).. and I tried hard to remember the rest... luckily I remember the names and how so much they have grown so beautiful since the last time I saw them... some of them were so different I hardly recognized....

I like the door gift.. from LS, you add another to my collections.. from MH, just what I need.. thank you... from L, where's my fortune??? and from AK.. hopefully your herbs works.. so that I can order more and make more business for you... hahaha...

L thanks for the nice cake.. you know where to get the best one... and also being the cutest with all the accessories worn on that day... S for organizing the give out for the gifts... and also for the rest of you ladies for coming... and sorry that I have to left early... as I told M and K, "supir gue udah sampe..." I like the best photo taken at the lobby... wish I was there... really..

I do hope that I can join again in any gathering organized by usually it'll be M and the rest who I can't name coz not sure who help who.. but you know who you are... thanks a lot.. it brought the memory so much... even all the songs sang by us mostly popularised around the year we were together in school...

Worthy Lessons - appreciate what you have gone through whether it was good or bad coz it'll be the memory and lessons that shaped us now...!!

Moments of Truth

There are many moments of truth in our lives. Sometimes we avoid facing the truth, sometimes we confront the truth and its consequences. Sometimes we just don't give a damn with the truth because no matter how we tried to handle the situation or no matter how we tried to change, the truth remained and static.

I've had many of those so-called moments of truth. I've been trying to hold on to something that is beyond my reach. I've tried my very best, 101% effort and determination because I thought "this is it, this is the ultimate goal in my pathetic life.. finally i found the reason not to live alone" But the truth is, as hard it is to swallow (and I knew it), I ignore the facts that I don't belong there, where I thought I'd supposed to be.

There were times when we knew, the road ahead is bumpy and somehow at the very end of the road, the path splits. We simply decided not to listen to our guts because we hoped that somewhere along the way, things would've changed and we will not be wondering the what-ifs. What if I decided to stop and re-evaluate the situation? What if I stayed and played along? What if I walked away? Those were the questions we asked ourselves when the truth hits us in the face, hard.

I've made decisions which I'm not proud of. I've made decisions I later regret. Yet sometimes I'm glad I made those decisions. I don't consider myself learned from my mistakes. I kept doing the same mistake over and over again because I was hoping that somehow, someday this mistake will no longer be a mistake. It will be the right thing to do. And I'm still waiting for the right thing to happen.

Which eventually become the moment of truth for me - that I finally gave up making those mistakes.

I think this is it - this is the moment of truth for me. This is my turning point. Let me let you go.

Worthy lesson - the truth is hard, but it's better.

Disappear...

Have you ever thought, "what if somehow I could disappear..?? Would anyone ever missed me? or try to find me? or simply think of me?"

I am trying to disappear. Not from the people I love, but from the people I used to work with. Haha. Actually, I've resigned from my previous company. I changed my mobile number and only selective people got my new number. So right now, I'm wondering if my former staffs think about me or try to find me or something like that. Somehow it felt good to escape from the life that bounds you. My phone ring less and less these days. Not that I missed the endless rings and sms, but I think it's kinda funny.

Hey, suddenly I realised I have disappeared once. Back in 2002, I left KL for better or worse. I didn't even tell my family that I was no longer in KL. I kinda ran to PL and sort of trying to find myself and until I figure it out, I just can't stay in KL. I disappeared. But back then, I was a nobody. So no one looked for me. It sucks, I know. Haha.

But right now, just right now.. let me enjoy the silence and my solidarity. Hmmm... ~puff!! I'm disappear...~

Worthy lesson - I will never disappear or fade away from you, Kak Non.. I promise! (I'm not like kenit! and believe me, he's not even close to being a kenit. haha)